One Step Forward
by faballa
Summary: If you had the chance, would you go back?
1. Prologue

**One Step Forward**

**Summary: After the end, Severus Snape is given the choice to either go to his past and repair what went wrong or stay in the present, entombed in his memories. Will he escape his mistakes or discover that all roads lead to the same result? Even worse, will he be unable to escape a lifetime trapped in a fantasy?**

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

The world was churning. Darkness formed around the edge of Severus Snape's vision, and he struggled to maintain consciousness and force out the memories—the _truth_—before everything faded to black. Blood gushed from his neck, his lungs burned for oxygen, but he knew he could not take another breath. He knew it was not long before the world faded to two tiny green pinpricks of light.

And suddenly, everything was warm. He was no longer coated in sweat and blood; he felt like he had just stepped of a warm bath. His robes were neither coarse nor sticky; they were the softest silk he had ever worn. He was no longer lying, cold, on the floor, but standing on a familiar grassy hill, the shadow of Hogwarts looming over him. The familiar aches and pains that racked his frame were gone. He felt young again. Sun was shining for what felt like the first time in months. The only thing marginally unpleasant about his present state was the wetness around his eyes and on his cheeks. He swiped at his face with the back of his sleeve. He seemed alone, but he was not willing to chance anyone witnessing him cry.

He was dead.

The thought did not make him feel ill. He was not shocked, or scared, or angry, or in denial. He had simply never expected to survive the year. If the Dark Lord had not done him in, it would have been some well-meaning Order member, thinking they were avenging Dumbledore.

"Severus," a deep voice said softly. Severus sighed, as was often the case, the man crossed his path as soon as he crossed his mind. "You have shown more bravery than I have ever expected from any man."

He spread his arms out wide and smiled. His blue eyes sparkled, and Severus took a step backwards. Suddenly, more than anything, he wanted to be alone.

"I am not hugging you, Albus," he said, looking away. He kept his eyes on the forest, even as he heard Dumbledore walk forward.

"Yes, but _I_ am hugging _you_." Severus found himself being pulled into a tight embrace, and tears pricked at his eyes once again. He fought them back. He would not cry on Albus Dumbledore's shoulder.

"Where am I?" he grumbled, hoping it would get Dumbledore to pull away. He did, finally, his smile fading.

"Well, Severus, you see you've—died." Severus raised his eyebrows. "But I guess you already knew that. And this," he gestured to the grounds, "this is where we go when we die."

"We go to Hogwarts."

"No," said Dumbledore quickly. "I'm sorry, I phrased that poorly. When we die, we get to be with the ones we loved, the ones who have changed our lives, the ones who have already passed on. We spend time and we talk with them before we move forward. Ariana was here for me, and I was here for Gellert, and I hope to be here for Aberforth, when his time comes…" He removed his glasses and wiped his eyes. Severus looked away. "And I'm very flattered that you would want me here for you."

Severus did not say anything. The one person whom he had truly loved, the woman who changed his life, was not here. He stared in to the forest again, hoping he would see a flash of her hair or hear her call out to him. But there was nothing.

"Lily isn't in the forest, Severus," he heard Dumbledore say.

"I get it," he said bitterly, more to himself than Dumbledore. "She didn't know I loved her. I destroyed the one friendship I had, and it's my fault she's dead. There's no reason why she would be here. Can we forget it? Can we move on now?"

"No."

Severus felt like he had been doused with cold water. He slowly turned back to Dumbledore. "What do you mean, 'no'?" he hissed. "You said we were only here to talk, and apparently you're the only one who _wants _to talk. I don't have anything to say to you, Albus. I've told you everything. What more can you want from me? Do you want to hear how much I hated being headmaster? How much I hated _teaching?_ What about how I've spent every day miserable—"

"Yes!" said Dumbledore suddenly, taking Severus by the shoulders. "That's what I need to hear?"

Severus stared at him, completely nonplussed. "You want to hear how unhappy I've been? Great. We have eternity."

"Severus, has a day _ever_ gone by wherein you didn't think about Lily? A day when you didn't wonder how you could have fixed things?"

A long pause hung in the air.

"No," Severus finally said softly, "there hasn't. Of course there hasn't. Every day I wake up and wonder how my life could have been. Every day I go back."

"And that's why you can't go forward."

"What?"

Dumbledore was suddenly looking at him very intensely. The familiar fire was back in his eyes, and he was no longer a trembling old man but rather a powerful wizard. "You have a choice, Severus. You can go back to the place where you made the mistake. You can try to change things, see the life you could have lived." He bowed his head, "Or you can stay in the real world, living the rest of your life as a ghost."

"Why would I ever choose that?"

"It just depends on the person, I suppose." Now Dumbledore was the one staring off into the trees. The fire that had so quickly ignited seemed to have burnt out. "Do you know where you're going?"

Already, vague, blurry figures were beginning to form on the grassy hill in the shadow of Hogwarts. A warm, late-spring breeze lifted Severus's hair. He could hear people laughing and talking. Part of him desperately wanted to join the unfurling scene.

"Yes."


	2. Chapter One

**This chapter does contain a few lines of dialogue from **_**Order of the Phoenix. **_**They are italicized. Thank you for reading!**

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><p><strong>Chapter One<strong>

Everything changed very quickly. Severus suddenly felt about four inches closer to the ground, the skin on his hands became taught and smooth, and his ears were filled with an odd rushing, pounding sensation. His fine silk robes had transformed into Hogwarts school robes, decorated with the Slytherin crest.

He had joined the scene on the grass, but the figures were still blurry and indistinguishable. Vaguely, he could feel his lips moving, his arms swinging, but he still had no clue what he was doing. The figures were gradually becoming clearer. Across from him were three distinct individuals, all definitely male and possibly around sixteen or seventeen years old. The one in the center was yelling something, he didn't know what, and gesturing wildly.

Severus felt his body contort. First, the scene flipped on its head; something had turned him upside down. A moment later and he was flat on his back, staring at the cloudless blue sky. Everything was still fuzzy, but now he recognized the voices were jeering, and several people were laughing in the background. Then something cut through the scene like a knife and tore it into unmistakable clarity.

"_Take the curse off him, then!"_

Severus could not breathe. Lily was here; he was hearing her voice for the first time in sixteen years. He knew where—when—he was. His arms and legged remained locked—he'd been cursed—and he could still only see the sky, but he knew the three figures across from him. He knew he only had a few seconds until everything changed.

"_You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus—"_

Struggling to his feet, Severus knew his next words. Out of the corner of his eye, his saw Mulciber and Avery. What would they say if he just _let _Lily help him? Gods, what would they say if he _thanked _her? They would never respect him; never look at him with anything other than contempt, for the rest of Hogwarts. He knew the words that would make them grin, make him their equal. Just one word, on the tip of his tongue…

He chanced a look at Lily. She was absolutely fearsome, her wand thrust straight into James Potter's face, but when Severus met her eye, her glare softened. Any anger died in his throat as he fell to his knees and retched into the grass.

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><p>"Just a concussion, see them all the time," said Madam Pomfrey briskly, offering Severus a cold compress. "Of course, we'll be keeping you overnight for observation. These kinds of things can turn quite nasty." She gave him one last look before sweeping over to another bed. Severus was not sure she had believed him when he told her he had fallen from a staircase earlier.<p>

As soon as Pomfrey was out of earshot, Lily sat down indelicately on Severus's knees. He winced, but she didn't seem to notice.

"I am going to kill James Potter." Her face was still nearly as red as her hair. "You know that, right? If he bullies you one more time, I'm just going to—to push him out of Gryffindor Tower!"

Severus snorted, and his head gave a powerful throb. He didn't want to vomit in front of Lily—again—but if she made him laugh again…He rubbed at his temples, trying to alleviate his nausea.

"Oh, Sev," said Lily gently, pushing his hair away from his face. She looked in his eyes. "What are we going to do with you?"

_She is going to kiss me,_ he thought. _Oh, gods, Lily Evans is going to kiss me. _His heart began pounding and his head started throbbing even worse and the room spun into a dizzying, technicolor swirl _Lily is going to kiss me._

"Ahem." Lily quickly sat upright. Professor McGonagall had stepped in front of the bed, tugging James Potter along behind her and looking grim. "I believe we have something to discuss."

Potter's face was very red when he grumbled, "I'm sorry I attacked you," he added below his breath, "for being a worthless git."

Lily let out a small, indignant noise. McGonagall didn't seem to notice; she was too busy looking pointedly at Severus. He realized that she was expecting him to respond to Potter, so he muttered something that might be construed as an apology. McGonagall narrowed her eyes.

"Madam Pomfrey told me you will be well enough to leave by tomorrow morning," she said very coolly. "I expect both you and Potter in my office by noon to begin your week's detention."

The cacophonous explosion followed immediately.

"But we just finished O.W.L.s; I though term was over!"

"Severus didn't do anything—"

"Potter attacked me! _He_ attacked _me!_"

"This was self-defense, Professor! You can't punish him for that!"

"I thought you were _cool!_"

A small smile flickered across McGonagall's face. "Potter, I have been teaching here for nearly twenty years. I have no interest in being—nor need to be—_cool_." Her attention drifted over to Lily. "And Miss Evans—"

"I don't care what Potter said," she interrupted icily, "I didn't throw one curse, and there were plenty of other students there who don't want to see me dragged down with him. I'm not interested in being a part of this." She suddenly smirked, "Though I will volunteer as a witness at Potter's inevitable criminal trial."

Professor McGonagall's smile had faded, and she was looking very stern. "I am aware, Miss Evans, that you did not 'throw' any curses. However, _prefects_ are expected to _stop _fights, not whip out their wands and prepare to join them."

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><p>Before Severus knew it, the night had passed, and he was trudging from the Hospital Wing to McGonagall's office. He was already feeling quite lousy; his head was still pounding, and every so often he would come over dizzy. The absolute last thing he wanted to do was combine these feelings with Potter for the rest of the week. He could only hope that McGonagall set them to different tasks.<p>

When he opened the door to her office, he realized he would not be so lucky. A small, wooden desk with two small, wooden chairs had been placed in the center of the room. Potter was already filling one of the seats, his face nearly as wooden as the chair itself.

"Have a seat, Snape," said McGonagall. Once again, she looked quite foreboding, with her spine as straight as a rule and her lips thin enough to have been drawn by a pencil. Severus wordlessly took the seat next to Potter. To his surprise, McGonagall sat down at her own desk, and looked at them both rather coldly.

"This is what I don't understand," she began. "Before me are two of the brightest students to ever step inside Hogwarts, two young men with the power to _change our world_, and yet whenever I see you, you're squabbling like children." Severus shifted in his chair. "I might expect this kind of behavior when you were first years, or perhaps some…less gifted students, but you two? Potter, you are one of the most talented Transfiguration students I have ever taught." Potter sat up a little straighter. "And Snape, Professor Slughorn says you have all the traits and talents necessary to be the next great Potions master." Severus felt himself flush. "So this must _end_. I don't care what you're fighting about, whether it's Houses or—or girls. I expect you _both_ to shape up. Understand?"

Severus found himself staring very hard at the desk in front of him, doing all he could not to look at Potter or McGonagall. "Yes," he muttered at the same time as Potter. He expected him to add "prat" or "Snivellus," but he didn't.

"Good," said McGonagall. She waved her wand, and stacks of papers appeared in front of them. "Let's begin."


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

It was, perhaps, a credit to Professor McGonagall's creativity that she managed to find so many unbearably boring tasks for Severus and Potter. The first day, they had spent three hours in her surprisingly stuffy office marking essays from the first years. The second day, she had them sort a large crate of pushpins by color. The third day they were on the floor, scrubbing between tiles with toothbrushes.

And so it continued until the end of the week, when McGonagall finally said, "That is all," after Severus and Potter had given her the stacks of essays with every single grammar and spelling error circled.

"Really?" Potter's face broke into a huge grin. Severus tried not to roll his eyes at his blatant eagerness.

"Well—no." The smile slide off Potter's face and Severus's stomach sank to around his knees. McGonagall looked at them both very sternly. "What you two did—in front of young students, I might add—was deplorable. And I don't care who started it," she shot Severus a look after he had opened his mouth to protest. "You both demonstrated dangerous and possibly_ illegal _curses in front of a massive and impressionable audience. Now, I understand that Gryffindor and Slytherin have always taken issue, but House rivalry be damned; your behavior last week will not be tolerated again."

She leaned in and said in a very low voice, "If I catch wind of any more little duels between you two, I am afraid I will have no choice but to expel—or at least suspend—the both of you!" For a moment, Severus hoped she was joking, but her eyes had a hard glint to them that told him she was deathly serious. "Do I make myself clear?"

They each muttered a "yes" and made for the door. Before either one could leave, she said, "And boys? It would be a _shame_ for Hogwarts to lose either one of you."

Severus kept his head down as he made his way from her office to the grounds. Expelled. _Expelled. _Or at least suspended. Either way, it meant more time at home, making awkward, pained small talk with his parents and shooting flies down from the ceiling. _Expelled. _His stomach was still knotted like a pretzel, and his legs still felt jelled.

He spotted Lily by the lake, reading some Muggle novel in the shade of the tree. He flopped down beside her and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Hello sunshine," she said without looking up from her book. "You look cheery."

"You wouldn't exactly be 'cheery' if you'd dealt with James Potter for a week, only to have McGonagall threaten you with expulsion."

"She _didn't_." Was it just the light, or was Lily smiling?

"I don't understand why you're laughing at me," he said sulkily.

"I'm not laughing," she said with a small laugh. He looked at her pointedly. "Okay, maybe I am. But look on the bright side!"

"I hate it when you do that."

"Potter can't keep bullying you now!" she said as though she had not heard him. "Or at least if he does, you'll be smart enough not to respond—_won't you? _And then he'll get bored and go be a prat to some other poor kid, and I'll put him in detention, and," she sighed, "it will be glorious."

Severus stared at her.

"I don't know how your brain works," he said slowly, "to make you think Potter would ever leave me alone."

She gave him a very cool look and turned back to her novel. "You'll see I'm right. And what are you doing over the holidays? Mum just wrote me, says she wants to have you over."

"I'll just be home," he said sullenly. He hated summer holidays, and she knew. He expected her to drop the subject, but instead Lily closed her book and looked at him.

"But things are getting better there right? Since they stopped fighting?" She sounded very concerned, as her mum and dad did every time they asked about Severus's home life.

It was true that Tobias and Eileen Snape had stopped fighting for the most part. Last Christmas they had told Severus that they were seeing a couple's therapist in Hogsmeade who specialized in relationships between Muggles and witches or wizards. It had made for a somewhat quieter Christmas than they were used to. Severus didn't really know how to talk to his parents when they weren't screaming at each other.

"Yeah, I suppose things are okay. Dad got a new job, and Mum's still working at the shop in town. They're going to some town in the States that's managed to blend magic with the Muggles, so I guess I'll have the house to myself for a few weeks." He tried not to sound too hopeful, but the thought had just occurred to him that she may offer to keep him company.

"Nonsense," she said, flipping through her book, looking for her page, "you shouldn't be by yourself for that long. You'll come stay with us. Mum and Dad love visitors."

That worked too.

As enthusiastically as he agreed in his head, all he was able to sound out was, "Er…"

Luckily, she took it as a yes.

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><p>End of term came very quickly and without any more incidents. Potter had simply decided to ignore Severus—he looked pointedly in the other direction every time their paths crossed—and he'd seemed to have told his cronies to do the same. Avery and Mulciber had also been thoroughly distracted by the idea of finishing school for good (and torturing third year Hufflepuffs) that they seemed to have forgotten about the incident by the lake. Before Severus knew it, he was packed and on the Hogwarts Express, sitting across from Lily and eating the chocolate frog she had bought him.<p>

"You know," she said as she stared out the window at the passing hills, "I bet this summer will be the best one yet."

"What makes you say that?" he said thickly. His mouth was still coated in chocolate.

"Well, you're coming to visit, aren't you?" She smiled. "I get so _bored_ during the holidays. Can you imagine spending two months with only Tuney as company? I know she's my sister, and I love her dearly, really, but she can be unimaginably boring." She said it so matter-of-factly that Severus snorted loudly. Lily let out a gleeful laugh. "I _never_ gossip, but you won't believe what she did last Christmas…"

They spent the rest of the trip discussing Petunia's fervent desire to be the most boring person on earth and adamant refusal to do something as strange as wear a fake poinsettia in her hair. Severus did not think he had laughed so hard the entire year. He didn't even mind when several other students poked their heads in, wondering about the ruckus. All the laughter stopped, though, when the train pulled into King's Cross Station, and Severus's heart sunk.

"I suppose I'll be seeing you soon," said Lily as they hauled their trunks onto the platform. She waved wildly at her parents who were standing next to Severus's mother and, for the first time, his father. As they rushed forward, Lily grabbed Severus's arm, pulled him forward, kissed him on the cheek and said, "See you!" before Severus even figured out what was happening.

Severus touched the spot on his cheek with shock as his father bent to pick up his trunk and his mother pulled him into a very brief hug.

Suddenly, summer didn't seem so bad.


	4. Chapter Three

**Author's Note: In this story, after Snape decides not to call Lily a mudblood, he has no recollection of his previous life. I hope you all are enjoying this! Thank you for reviewing and adding yourselves to update/favorite lists!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Three<strong>

Severus Snape was very similar to both of his parents. Like them, he was tall, thin, and prone to bouts of silence. Before his parents stopped fighting, he had had enough in common with his father to keep them from attacking each other. Just last summer, for example, Severus and Tobias had gone the entire month without speaking. Neither of them had minded; it was just easier that way. His mother could also be rather quiet, though she was more timid than introverted. She rarely spoke up unless things were about to get violent. That's why Severus found it quite strange when there was hardly a moment of silence during the ride from King's Cross to Spinner's End.

"That was your friend Lily?" asked his mother, more enthusiastic than Severus had ever heard, the second they were settled into their squat brown car. "Goodness, she's getting pretty! She's Harold and Lynda Evans' daughter, right?"

"Harold Evans? The banker?" Severus's father did not often take drives with the family, but when he did he usually resorted to a stony silence. This _friendliness_ was new.

"The same one! Your father's just started work with him, sweetie," she said, twisting around to smile at Severus, who was quite sure she had never called him "sweetie" before in his life.

"They've another daughter, don't they Sev?" And his father had _definitely_ never called him "Sev."

"Petunia," his mother responded for him. "I guess they must like flowers!"

"They must!"

Severus let them go on with their overly-cheery chatter while he focused on the floor of the car. Neither of them, his father especially, had ever sounded so upbeat. Even last Christmas when they told him about the therapist they had been somber and calm. Now they were laughing, bouncing words and phrases off each other like he'd never seen, yet every so often his father's voice would grow tight or his mother would falter and silence would fall. It would last for less than a millisecond, sure, but it still made Severus wonder whether or not this was all an act.

He did not, however, have too much time to dwell on it. Maybe because this ride wasn't haunted by uncomfortable silence or maybe because Severus was trying so hard to distract himself, but the car stopped much sooner than he Severus had planned, at a home he only slightly recognized.

"Where are we?"

"Home!"

Severus recognized the houses on either side of their destination. They were the same dilapidated slums they had been last Christmas. The center house, his own, had changed. The lawn had been trimmed neatly, the front repainted, and the shutters replaced. It looked warm and inviting, and was perhaps the nicest home on the street.

"We've had some work done," his mother explained when she saw his shocked expression. "We figured it was time, with your father's new job and all." Severus could only nod numbly. "You need to see your room," she said as they left the car. "The ceiling doesn't leak anymore!"

Severus followed his mother into the house, trying his best to soak up all this new information. His parents weren't fighting, his father was talking, the house was clean, the roof didn't leak…he felt like he was drowning. Still, he trailed his mother, not making a sound until she opened his bedroom door, and he let out a small gasp.

"You said you liked green," said his mother.

"It's…wow." His old, dank room was gone. In its place were cream-colored walls, a green plush carpet, and a fluffy bedspread the exact same color as Lily's eyes.

"I'll let you settle in."

Severus was still trying to make sense of the fact that last summer he had lain in this room and shot flies down from the ceiling that was now patched in clean when his father came in.

He cleared his throat and placed Severus's trunk in the doorway. "Do you like your room?"

"Yeah," said Severus absently, gazing around.

"I'm—I'm glad. Listen, Sev," Severus turned around, "I—I know—things have never been…" He trailed off, looking confused. "I'm glad you're home, boy." Then he patted him gruffly on the shoulder and left.

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><p>The quiet that Severus had so carefully cultivated last summer had completely dissipated. His father now spoke to him before and after work, and he said more than his typical brusque, "Get a haircut." His mother, too, was not content to let him hide in his new bedroom, and she found many activities for them to do together, everything from doing the dishes to tie-dying clothing. Even though he was happy his parents no longer fought, he was already finding himself looking forward to Hogwarts, where he could finally get some peace and quiet.<p>

Such a thing would not be attainable this summer; he realized the Sunday after he had returned home. He was sitting in his room, reading his new book on the Dark Arts, when the doorbell rang. A clatter of female voices rang out from the floor below, and he wondered if he would need to invest in earplugs. But his mother called, "Severus!" and he closed the book, giving up on reading today.

Downstairs were the last two people he had expected: Lily and Lynda Evans. Lily was already sitting with Tobias, chattering on about being a Muggle-born at Hogwarts. His father actually looked interested, or at least he didn't look angry. Lynda was smiling broadly, her green eyes twinkling.

"Hello, Severus." She pulled him into a quick hug. Lynda Evans ran a successful salon downtown, and she was anything but standoffish. "Look at you! All you boys, you keep getting so tall." Severus noticed his mother looking on fondly. "It's a shame about your hair, though. Don't they have rules for these things at Hogwarts?" Severus's hair was indeed breaking the Hogwarts rules; it nearly reached his collarbone.

"Can't be past the neck, or McGonagall will slice your ears off," said Lily, taking a brief break from her conversation.

"What?"

"She'll put them back!"

Mrs. Evans didn't seem to have heard her daughter; she was surveying Severus's head. "You know, you would look great with some fringe, and my things are just in the car…"

"Mum," said Lily warningly. "That isn't why we're here."

"I don't mean to be rude," Eileen said quietly, "but why are you here?"

Lily suddenly grinned. "Well, Mrs. Snape, I invited Sev to come stay at my house while you and Mr. Snape are gone, but he hasn't gotten back to me and I didn't think he would—because he's so shy—" her grin widened, "so I thought we should just come over to chat!"

Severus's parents looked completely bewildered. Severus knew he hadn't mentioned this before, and Lily had spoken a bit quickly.

"Stay—at your house—with a _girl_?"

"I think it's a great idea." To his surprise, it had been Tobias who had spoken. Eileen looked on, shocked. "Honestly, what trouble can he get into there," he added, "that he won't get into when he's on his own for three weeks?"

Eileen pursed her lips and said, "Well, we'll discuss it later. And Lynda, you don't need to feel obligated about this or the haircut."

"Oh, Eileen, I'm hardly obligated," said Mrs. Evans fondly. "I just think Sev would look so nice…"

"You really don't have to," Severus protested weakly.

"But you'd look just like a young John Lennon!"

"Oh, he's cute!" said Lily.

"I'll do it."

So he let Mrs. Evans cut his hair, and his parents hashed out an agreement. He could stay with the Evans family, as long as they weren't sharing rooms and there was no "funny business" (Lily had burst out laughing at that point). Severus felt his heart soaring, and he couldn't help but smile when Mrs. Evans showed him his reflection. He wasn't sure he looked quite like John Lennon, in fact, he was almost certain that he looked just like himself with shorter hair. Lily, however, had said "cute" when it was finished, so he was sure that counted for something.


	5. Chapter Four

**I'm extremely sorry for the delay in updating! Hopefully it won't happen again!**

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><p><strong>Chapter Four<strong>

Severus stared into his half-packed trunk, running the list of items through his head once again. _Sweaters, jeans, trainers, t-shirts, enough socks and underwear to last three weeks, shampoo…_He continued to stare, absently pulling on the fringe that was already growing into his eyes. He hadn't thought this day would ever come. He was going to be spending the next _three weeks_ with Lily Evans, and he could hardly believe it. He had even put off packing, thinking that if he began, the plans would somehow fall through. His parents would cancel their holiday, Lily's grandmother would get sick, _something_ would happen that would keep him home.

"Sweaters, jeans, trainers," he muttered the list to himself, "t-shirts, socks…pajamas!" He triumphantly grabbed his pajamas from the wardrobe and tossed them into his trunk. He didn't even hear the door creak open.

"Severus?" his father said from the doorway. He was looking not at his son, but at the window on the other side of the room. Severus's stomach plunged. This was it; he wasn't going to Lily's. Wordlessly, he sat down on the bed. His father still avoided his eyes. "This is a bit awkward," he said slowly, "but your mother was wondering, and I had my suspicions too, if you were—ahem—involved with Lily Evans?"

"What?"

"Your mother says that your grades—your owls?—are too good for you to throw everything away on a girl you meet in school. Mistakes happen, and—"

"Lily and I aren't involved," said Severus, hardly hearing his father. "We aren't. She's just my friend."

"Oh, well," his father shifted uneasily, "I suppose that's fine then. Enjoy your…packing," he finished stiffly. Severus breathed a sigh of relief. He was still going to Lily's, and he'd seemed to have avoided the most uncomfortable bits of the conversation. "Do they teach you about this—er, that is to say—at your school…?"

_Damn, _Severus thought to himself. He had been so close. Since his father had started saying more than two words to him, he had begun to fear this conversation. It was a topic rarely breached inside Hogwarts; McGonagall had given his Transfiguration class a brief lecture that amounted to "don't do it," and whenever anything mildly sexual came up during Slugorn's parties the man would turn bright red and mutter something about taming dragons.

"Er, yeah," he lied. "They tell us about everything."

"_Everything?"_

"Well, not everything," he added hastily, "just the important bits." His father looked somewhat mollified, and he made a movement over to the door. Severus breathed a sigh of relief. He folded another jumper and laid it in his trunk.

"Your mother and I," his father, still in the doorway, said in a strangled voice, "are glad to have you home. It's nice, your being here."

Guilt crashed down heavily, twisting Severus's stomach into an even tighter knot. He understood, even more so than before, his parents faux cheer, his new room. He suddenly regretted the countdown to Lily's he'd been keeping.

"Yeah," he said quietly, "I'm glad I'm here too."

* * *

><p>A light drizzle had begun by the time they pulled the car up in front of Lily's large, white house. It had been an unusually chill summer, but Lily was still waiting on the porch, wrapped in an orange sweater that clashed magnificently with her hair. She waved merrily as the three Snapes exited their car.<p>

"Be good," his mother said rather tearfully. She kissed him on the cheek, and Severus knew he was turning bright red, but he hugged her back anyway. When she pulled away, his father gave him a brief, one-armed hug. "Have fun," he muttered as he handed Severus his trunk.

"I will. Have fun in Salem." His father smiled a little and patted him on the back. Then his parents got back into the old car and drove away, and then Lily was at his side, grinning.

"So," she said, taking him by the arm, "let me show you your room." She escorted him inside, and Severus privately wondered at the Evans' home, like he did on all of his visits. The first time he had gone to Lily's, nearly two years ago, he had been absolutely shocked at the smell: flowers and potpourri mixed with cat food and dog hair. The first two were a result of Mrs. Evans' impeccable decorating techniques; even the foyer had tiny sprigs of purple flowers shooting out of the vase on the little wooden table. The second came from the Evans' three cats and two dogs, one of whom was jumping up on Severus at this very moment. "Down, Ringo," admonished Lily, pulling away the large, reddish-brown dog.

"Where are your parents?" asked Severus as they climbed the carpeted staircase, the dog at their heels.

"It's Saturday, so I'd guess Mum's working and Dad's playing golf with investors, whatever those are," she shrugged. "And Tuney, well…" She nodded over to the one closed door in the hall. Severus grinned.

"I get the feeling she doesn't like me."

"Well, you know Tuney; she doesn't like anyone." Lily cast one last sardonic glance at the closed door and then pulled Severus into a large, cream-colored room. He could see through the two large windows that the rain was falling faster than ever.

"This is lovely," he said before he could stop himself. Lily beamed.

"Thank you! I'll let you unpack." She squeezed his arm and flitted out of the room like a ghost. Severus unpacked his Muggle clothing and the small sack of gold his mother had given him for Diagon Alley while Lily's cat, Finney, wound itself around his ankles. He quietly marveled at the absolute normalcy of the scene and then closed the door and made his way downstairs.

Lily was stretched out on the floor of the living room, her nose in a book. She looked up when he came in.

"What's up?" he said because it was the only thing he could think of.

"Well, I have so many ideas for the next few weeks! We can go to the old park where we met, you know?" He nodded vigorously. "And we can go into town, and go see films, and Remus is coming, and we should go to the zoo, it's so much fun!"

"What?"

"The zoo," she said. "You know, where the animals are." He raised his eyebrows. "Oh, fine," she sighed. "Remus got into the N.E.W.T. Potions, but he doesn't have a clue what he's doing. So I offered to help," she blew a strand of hair out of her face. "Happy?"

He was most definitely not happy, but he figured it would be unwise to say so. He didn't want to start his three weeks with a fight, and Lupin was the least intolerable of Potter's little gang. He figured he could make this work without being a prick.

"I didn't say anything," he said with a little shrug. He sat down beside her on the floor.

"Yes," she said, "but you thought something."

"I think a lot of things."

She smirked at him. "Come on. Let's watch television till the rain stops."

But the rain didn't stop. And the television grew boring after a few days, so they turned to board games. Then they turned to books, and they spent a very long Friday hanging around the lobby of Mr. Evans' bank. Even Petunia was bored enough to come down and play a game of (non-exploding) snap with them. By the next Tuesday, Severus was practically welcoming Lupin's arrival.

Sitting down to work together, however, was far more awkward than he had expected.

"So, you're staying here?" Lupin was shifting in his seat. He knew Severus knew his secret, and though Severus had no plans in sharing it, it was nice to see him squirm.

"Yes," he said coldly. His smirk stopped at the sight of Lily's narrowed eyes, and he added more conversationally, "My parents are abroad."

"That's nice."

Severus wanted to groan, return to his room, and spend the rest of the day hiding from this awkward encounter. He had a lot of things he was desperate to say to Lupin, but if he expressed any of them Lily might slap him.

Lily, fortunately, did not seem to notice anything afoot. She was staring at the table. "Books," she moaned. "We don't have any books."

"There were a few practice essays in the old book," said Lupin softly. Severus and Lily both looked at him. "I didn't bring it."

"My old copies upstairs," said Lily, turning towards the foyer. Both Severus and Lupin stood up to help. "No, don't worry, I've got it," she waved them off. Severus watched her until she turned the corner.

"Lily's nice, don't you think?" said Lupin with more pained awkwardness than Severus had ever heard in a solitary sentence.

"Yes," he muttered.

"Well, I guess if you fancy her, you must think she's nice."

Severus nearly choked on his own saliva.

"I—what—how did you—_Potter _fancies her," he finished roughly. His face had gone very hot, and he longed to run as far as he could.

"He doesn't own her," said Lupin with a small shrug.

"Where did that even _come _from?"

"You watched her when she left." Severus stared. "People only do that to someone they fancy."

"You're insane, Lupin." Before he could stop himself, he added, "Full moon tonight?"

He could feel Lupin's cold stare. "I won't even dignify that with an answer," he said icily. "But you should know that James has decided this will be the year he gets Lily."

"He says that every—he _gets?_ Lily isn't a piece of—"

"I know that," Lupin finished, "and I'm aware James has no claim on her. But he's shaping up this year. All he could say on the train home was how he's willing to quite pranks if that's what it takes to get her. He's serious this time around."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"You know," he said simply, "and you haven't told anyone."

"Dumbledore would expel—"

"I know, but you still haven't told anyone. That's more than what some people would do. James is my friend, and I know he wants Lily, and that's fair. But I also think it's fair that you get your chance too. If you don't want my help—"

"No," it was Severus's turn to interrupt. He didn't like Lupin, and he sure as hell didn't want to be friends, but he figured an ally couldn't hurt. "Tell me what I can do."


	6. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

Only a few days passed before it was time for Mr. and Mrs. Evans to escort Severus and Lily down to the Leakey Cauldron. There they met Lupin and his father, a tweedy man who did not seem desperate to follow the three around all day. It seemed they were left to their own devices, so they took to the streets.

"Let's get to Flourish and Blotts before it gets crowded," said Lily, taking Severus by the wrist. Out of the corner of his eye, Severus could see Lupin smirking and raising his eyebrows. Getting the hint, he tried to twist his arm and grab her hand, but he ended up losing her in the process. It didn't matter; she had stopped dead in front of the bookshop.

A group of hooded wizards had gathered in front of the store. They were speaking in low tones, and every so often one would cackle or call out to someone on the street. Severus couldn't see their faces, but he could tell from their voices that they weren't much older than him.

"Come on," muttered Lily, unfreezing and gripping Severus's wrist harder than before. As she tried to push past the gang, one of the men yelled something lewd, making her turn bright red. Severus wanted to shout, to lunge forward, but he was rooted to the spot.

"Excuse me," Lily said coolly, her voice shaking slightly, "we're trying to get in the store." The gang cackled, and one of them turned around and lowered her hood, revealing heavily hooded eyes and thick black hair. She cast a disgusted look at Lily before turning to face Severus.

"Severus Snape," said Bellatrix Lestrange, a small smile playing on her lips, "you always did keep the most interesting company." The gang guffawed, but Severus kept his mouth shut. "But seriously," she leaned in so close Severus could feel her breath on his face, "you're a NEWT student now, right? You should know better than to spend your time with Mudbloods."

"Even ones as tasty-looking as _this_," the same man shouted. The others howled with laughter, but Bellatrix snarled.

"Be _quiet!_" she hissed. She turned back to Severus, "Look, Snape, I know this seems fun right now, but things are changing. Soon enough the weak will be separated from the strong, the talented from the," her eyes flicked over Lily and Lupin, "_worthless. _My brother-in-law may be an idiot, but he recognizes brilliance when he sees it. And neither I nor the Dark Lord wants your brilliance wasted on this scum."

"How _dare_ you," said Lily. Bellatrix pulled back. "I know you think you're special, Bellatrix, but I've heard enough about you from your cousin. You've been out of Hogwarts—what—ten years now? According to Sirius you managed two NEWTs and haven't been able to hold a job for more than a month. And what now? Have you just given up and decided to spend all your time hanging around bookstores harassing teenagers? Sounds like a lucrative career opportunity, _Bella_."

The crowd had gone very, very silent. Severus expected Bellatrix to lunge forward at any moment. He was ready to leap forward, to draw his wand and fight back should the need arise. But Bellatrix didn't look angry. In fact, she was leering in a way that made his stomach twist and made him want to run.

"You're Evans, right?" Lily nodded, and Severus could see her swallow. Bellatrix's grin widened. "To think, I've just been calling you Mudblood Scum."

Once again, Severus found himself frozen. He could hear Lily's heavy breathing, and he longed to attack Bellatrix with every force of his being. He didn't get the chance; he felt a tug on his sleeve and heard Lupin murmur, "Let's just go."

Severus's mind didn't clear until they had gone far down the road and Flourish and Blotts was out of sight. "It's fine," he heard Lily saying shakily, "we'll just go there at the end of the day. I didn't want to carry a bag of books around everywhere anyway…" She trailed off and bit her lip.

"Who's the Dark Lord?" asked Lupin.

"What?"

"Bellatrix said something about the Dark Lord. I think Sirius said Regulus has brought him up too."

Snape had heard the name whispered around the Slytherin common room, but he'd never put a face with the name. All he knew was that Avery and Mulciber had worshipped him like a god.

"Just some wizard who doesn't like Muggle-borns, I guess," said Severus with a shrug.

"Sounds like Malfoy," said Lily, forcing a laugh, "or almost anyone else in Slytherin."

"Lucius isn't so bad. It's his wife who's the real…problem." Lily laughed in earnest this time, and Severus felt like his heart had nearly doubled in size.

They stopped outside of Madam Malkin's. The shop was bustling with student, especially first years pushing in and out, nervously clutching black robes.

"What're we doing here? This place is always a zoo before school starts."

"Well, I haven't bought dress robes since third year; mine barely cover my knees. I figured a new set wouldn't hurt you two either."

"Why would we…" he trailed off as they forced their way into the store. Severus may have trodden on a young girl's foot in the process, but he really didn't care.

"They're on the list!" called Lily as she pushed her way over to the witches' section. Severus and Lupin somehow managed to get to the discount robes, at which point Severus pulled out the supply list and saw that dress robes were, in fact, required.

"Nice job getting the door for her," muttered Lupin as he flipped through the rack of robes.

"There was a stampede! What was I supposed to do?" He heard Lupin laugh but chose to ignore it. "Anyway, I think Lily can cope with opening doors on her own."

"And standing up to Bellatrix Lestrange? She can do that by herself too?"

"Clearly," he said through grit teeth. "Are you trying to help me?"

"I'm just offering advice. Women like chivalry."

"Lily can take care of herself. She isn't a child." Lupin didn't say anything. "I still don't understand why you're helping me."

"You didn't turn me in."

"Because you're Lily's _friend._ I'm not going to give you anything in return."

"You know, Snape, people can be nice without expecting anything back."

Snape stared at him. "What do you really want?"

Lupin sighed. "Fine, you got me. I do want something." He lowered his voice, "You knew Jaffus Damocles, didn't you?"

Severus froze, his hands on a set of blue robes. He knew where this was going. "Yes."

"And you knew about his project? The one he started two years ago, when he was a seventh year, the potion…" Severus nodded. "And you would know how to brew it?"

For nearly a minute, Severus was silent. Finally, he said, "Wolfsbane is an incredibly complicated potion. I was just a fourth year, I only ever saw the draft, and it still isn't Ministry approved. If I brewed it incorrectly, I would poison you. You would _die_, Lupin."

"Making threats, Snivellus?" Both Severus and Lupin jumped. Sirius Black was behind them, leaning against a pillar, somehow detached from the madness surrounding them. He smirked and flipped his hair, causing giggles to erupt from nearly every other girl in the room. "You're lucky, Snivellus, that James doesn't want us fighting anymore. You see, I'm rather fond of my friend Remus," he licked his lips, "and I don't respond well when people try to poison him."

Lupin rolled his eyes. "Nobody's poisoning anyone, Sirius. Stop acting weird."

"Fine," sighed Black. "You should come out shopping with us, Moony. Mrs. Evans said she'd buy us ice cream!" Lupin looked back at Severus, who shrugged, and went off with Black.

Severus bought the blue robes, hardly paying attention to anything but the price, and pushed his way to the front of the store. Lily was waiting just outside the doors.

"Where's Remus?"

"We ran into Black. I guess they'll finish their shopping together. Is he always that sexual?"

"Remus?"

"Black."

"Oh," she thought for a moment, "yes."

* * *

><p>It was not long before Severus was back in the Great Hall, listening absently to Dumbledore's speech. He loved the Great Hall, and despite his improved relationship with his parents and the summer and the Evans' house, he wouldn't trade anything for his current space at the Slytherin table. Everything from the food in his stomach to the stars twinkling up above made him feel warm inside. He couldn't wait to sleep in his bed with the silk sheets and start classes in the morning…<p>

"Psst!" someone hissed. He figured the person must have been addressing someone next to him. Most of Slytherin had stopped talking to him after last spring. He took a sip of pumpkin juice.

"_Psst!" _the person hissed again. Severus glanced around as though searching for a rogue tea kettle. "Don't look at me," the voice whispered. He realized it was coming from the girl on his left. She looked vaguely familiar; he was almost certain she was in his year, but he couldn't remember her name.

"Who—?"

"I said don't look!" She smoothed the front of her robes and didn't say anything for a few seconds. "You know the Gryffindors, right?"

"I—"

"_Quiet!"_

Dumbledore had just gestured for another professor to rise. "We have a new professor on staff this year!" he said, beaming. "May I present Aldous Warrington!" The room burst into applause, and several girls began to giggle behind cupped hands. The new professor, Severus could see, was quite tall and rather handsome.

"I do know the Gryffindors," Severus whispered over the applause. "Let me guess—you fancy Black?"

The girl glared at him. "No. But you're good friends with Lily, right?"

Severus nearly choked on his pumpkin juice. "You fancy _Lily?_"

"I also must announce," Dumbledore said, stilling the applause, "some rather impressive news. This past spring, both the average OWL and NEWT scores were higher than they have been for the past two hundred years." Even from his place at the table, Severus could see Dumbledore's eyes twinkling. "Thus, I think the only thing to do is hold a Halloween ball!"

The hall erupted with wild applause. Several people cheered, and the girl on Severus's right snapped, in full voice, "I do _not _fancy Evans! I fancy—damn it—I fancy Lupin!"

"And so," Dumbledore said benevolently, "I bid you good night! May dreams of dancing greet you before tomorrow!"

"We'll talk later," the girl hissed, and before Severus could ask her name, she was gone.


End file.
